Dream Job?

If you have a penis, chances are you’ve at least thought about being in a fuck flick. Being the centre of attention; a wild, willing woman in front of you begging for your steaming load. Every mans dream! Then reality sets in; cramped legs, pissy directors, female models bitching about the time, scraping teeth and a hot light burning your ballz. You hard yet?

I’m not saying it’s a bad gig, just be prepared for the less glamorous aspects of this incomparable profession. Never lose sight of the fact that this is a job. Director’s don’t ever think of you as irreplaceable, and most girls will never think of you as a superstud and start calling for booty calls at all hours of the night. (Mostly ) The unfortunate truth is these girls are here, fucking you because they are paid to do so. This is the biggest thing you need to understand as a guy in this industry, “You are a Prop!” If a light bulb burns out on set and doesn’t work. It is promptly replaced never to be used again. Same goes for you champ.

Your Cock should be in Guinness!

Soft Stud Stout

Every man shares a special bond with their cock. You love it like a proud father of an Olympic athlete. No way any other cock as good as yours, right? Believe me confidence is important in this biz, but an equal amount of humility would serve you as well. Sure you may have banged 3 cheerleaders while their boyfriends played football and they all called for an encore. Sure you blasted 6 times in one night with your previous girlfriend; and everyone always says to you, “Hey you shoulddo porn!” How could you not be porn material, right? Chances are if your actual sexual resume is even half of what it is in your mind, it still wouldn’t make a lick of difference unless it included being on an actual porn set with an actual agenda of making money. Doing a Tommy Lee POV doesn’t coun’t; having sex with your girlfriend while your horny mate films wishing he had a girlfriend doesn’t count either. Performing with a woman who wants you is the most natural thing for a dick to do, getting up and being hard with a woman with a smelly puss and bitchy attitude is certainly not natural. Neither is stretching your back out and cramping legs for the proper camera angles. Add to that a stressed out director, who is worried about budgets, his next shoot and the tempermental diva you are supposed to make sweet love to. If he doesn’t take out his frustrations on you, count your self lucky. That will certainly change if you have to cut every thirty seconds to maintain wood, forget where the camera is and block the shot with your hands, hips or by just blindly humping away like a horny gorilla. I say all this because it happens daily on porn sets around the world, everyone thinks they will be different, and most aren’t. The biggest reason is people enter the biz with a false perception of what it is. Keep an open mind, accept the reality fof what porn is and you may actually do ok.

Excuses are like assholes…..

Janessa Jordan and MaxineX Asses Plugged

… just some are bigger than others. You show up late, you got an excuse, your dick is soft you got an excuse, you beat it like it owes you money and nothing comes out you got an excuse. Just like high school, there are consequences for not doing what you are supposed to do; except your not gonna get detention, or a call to your parents, in fact don’t expect any calls at all. The ‘Hard‘ truth of it is, if for some reason at all you cost a production time / money, you can be well assured your contact info will be promptly lost in the oblivion that is the wanna be porn stud twilight zone, never to be seen again. Your dick is your responsibility, and it is NEVER, the fault of the lights being too hot, the girl not being hot enough, or tonging your balls well enough. The onus is on you and you alone studly! Remember that!  Another reality of the biz these days is most guys do take some sort of enhancement.  Which puts guys who do it au natural at a disadvantage.  If you want to Buy Viagra Online, that is probably the cheapest way to do it (Generic is chemically the same thing as Brand name), not to mention the hassle of trying to explain to a doctor why you need it.  Explaining why you need the monthly dick check is gonna be awkward enough.

Your dick is hard, now what to do?

If you actually make it on to a porn set congrats! You’ve got your shot,performed admirably in a couple gangbangs and footjobs and someone figured they could trust you with a real live girl on your own! Or someone called in sick, whatever. The point is once you are there there are some things you should be aware of. The first is your hygiene. For the love of Christ video this is a visual medium so shave, workout, bush your hair and teeth, and most of all remember, your shower that morning is not sufficient for a shoot that evening, and dick cheese is a sure way to get you put on everyone’s NO list.  A NO list isn’t  a secret slut database of porn girl preferences, but a very real term to tell a producer that in no way is your dick going near her. Chances are you’ll end up on someone’s list at some point but end up on enough of them for the worng reasons, and you can say ‘sayonara’ to that Geisha girl revese gangbang you’ve been fantasizing about all your life. Believe me there is no sanctity of privacy in this biz, people talk and word gets around. Your reputation can be destroyed in an instant by one person speading the news about the wonderful smell of your nether-regions. Shower often and get to know your local grocers baby wipes section. It will save you embarrassment and the potential for lost work.

Pulling the Pin on the Social Handgrenade

Other things to consider if you want to be invited back to work again, is your on set ettiquette. Dreams of dating a porn superstar, and flirting with drop dead gorgeous girls are enough to make any man a victim of his own delerium. But before you decide to ask that girl on a date because you are so sure her orgasm was real, remember this, it wasn’t. Slapping a girl on the ass while she is changing, or grabbing boob just because she is naked and within arms reach when the camera isn’t rolling is yet again one of those things that will land you in the creepshow category. Leering, talking to her ches,t drooling, and jerking off outside her change room also qualify. Girls are here and fucking you because they are paid to. Do porn relationships happen? Sure they do, often. Do people hookup outside of the biz, yes again! Though chances are if she feels the need, she’ll let you know, especially if you have just met her. Just a thought.

While this article was written tongue in cheek, it is also practical advice worthy of some merit. Most of this advice is common sense, yet unfortunately this particular type of sense is somewhat uncommon in our industry.. I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to post a comment and give your feedback.  I look forward to hearing your comments.  Stay tuned for more.

See our other articles on How to Be a Pornstar | POV with the Lens Cap On | Where do I Start?